I'm curious about you, you seem so innocent [entries|friends|calendar] confused+befuddled=befused [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[June 29, 2006 @ 5:17pm] I'm such a fucking drama queen, it's hilarious. Hahaha I want to delete like all of my journal entries, but what about posterity? Sincerely, Who-the-fuck-do-you-think Comment

[October 10, 2005 @ 10:19pm] ``when everything seems like the movies and you bleed just to know you're alive There's something definitely wrong with me. I discussed it with a few people, but they just say it's normal. I feel like a guy, I mean the way I'm acting. I should be happy but instead I flip my emotions like 180 degrees. Gawd, what's wrong with me? Read (1) Comment

[October 08, 2005 @ 5:59pm] I'm in New Jersy right now. With my cousins. Well they're not with me right now, but they're in the next room watching the food network and on another computer. My dad's here. I haven't said more then like three sentences to him since he's been here. I guess I should try to make an effort but I just don't really want to. I mean he's leaving like tommorow anyway. I don't want to be in New Jersey right now. Comment

. [September 20, 2005 @ 2:42pm] [ music | McCutcheon ] Johnny and Sally were brother and sister. It was Christmas morning and they came downstairs and Johnny got lots of presents and Sally only got one. Using this opportunity to taunt his sister he says, "Haha Sally I got more presents than you." And Sally says to him "Haha Johnny, you have cancer." I'm trying to joke about it. I don't think it's working. I don't think it'll hit me that she's gone until I go back to California. I couldn't go back in time for the service. Comment

[August 04, 2005 @ 6:31pm] I suppose journal entries are rather hard to start. It's like hey...where do I begin? I guess if you were smart you'd just jump right into it and spare 'readers' with the cotton candy introduction fluff. Alas, I am not smart. So anyways, had my last lesson today and it was fucking awesome, we went on the freeway. Unfortunately it was rush hour and I couldn't go 90 miles an hour.... DAMN THE WORKING PEOPLE COMING HOME! Screw ending this well. Comment

[July 27, 2005 @ 9:18pm] I suppose time calls for me writing a journal entry of some substance. After my previous little rant, you think that the entries to follow would contain some similar words. I really have nothing to say. Except maybe: LIFE IS A HIGHWAY AND I'M GOING TO RIDE IT ALL NIGHT LONG Comment

It's LYRICAL DEDICATION TIME [July 27, 2005 @ 8:52pm] I think i'll go home and mull this over Before i cram it down my throat At long last it's crashed, it's colossal mass Has broken up into bits in my moat. Lift the mattress off the floor Walk the cramps off Go meander in the cold Hail to your dark skin Hiding the fact you're dead again Undeneath the power lines seeking shade Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason It's a luscious mix of words and tricks That let us bet when you know we should fold On rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped And the whole mess of roads we're now on. Hold your glass up, hold it in Never betray the way you've always known it is. One day i'll be wondering how I got so old just wondering how I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow. This is way beyond my remote concern Of being condescending All these squawking birds won't quit. Building nothing, laying bricks. Comment

[July 16, 2005 @ 7:15pm] Tarot card readers, I find are incredible sources of knowledge. I am getting a psychic when I come back to New York. Read (1) Comment

[July 14, 2005 @ 10:43pm] I feel like I need a change in my life. I'm not just saying that because of what happened today. Well I am, in the sense that I wouldn't have said this if it didn't happen today. Today. I'm scared I'll wake up and tommorow it just won't be the same. I'm scared, not that it will have been a dream, but I'm scared that i won't remember what it was like. I don't want to forget or loose the feeling. My stomach has been acting weird since 'it' happened. It wasn't what you think. It was....emotional. Did I fool you? See the old me would have said 'gotcha' and said a sarcastic joke. I was thinking that I need to save my sarcastic wit, but I guess it's not so much that there's a limited amount it's that it can only get better now. Anyway my stomach. I tried to eat. It didn't help. I tried...tylenol. I lied. I didn't try tylenol. But I'm not going to delete that, because that's the old me. Tylenol wouldn't help. I'm sure of it. I tried...deep breathing? Well I didn't try it for that purpose, I'm pretty sure I did it just to calm down. See, the thing is I think I'm having revelations practically every day. This one I hope is real. I need to get off my dependency. My shield. I learned this from a stranger, not because the person told me, but because I realized through myself that I had to many secrets. I can't seem to get it out of my head. It's been several hours. I tried writing in a notepad, calling people, pacing, um...stretching (maybe it's in my muscles?), studying, nothing is helping. Back to the shield. I run to it when I don't want to face life, some of you know what it is already. It's fake. I love it so much and I love everyone in it, but it's fake. I can't keep on trying out things, I have to do it in reality. Not in reality, it's already in reality, but like...with me. But then if I crash, I'll have nothing to go to, nothing to pretend about, nothing to...distract myself from. I can't drown myself in the elaborate phrasings of Austen or the meaningless lyrics of the Shins. I don't think anymore Natalie Portman movies will help either if it happens. Fate is tricky. Are you supposed to...let it just happen? Or are you supposed to get active and become a part of it. I'm too paranoid. ( Why did I make this entry public? ) I used to think it already happened. I could be wrong maybe this is a false alarm too. Maybe the last one was real. But RIGHT now. I think this one is. I want what James and Sarah have. I hate Howie and I'm glad Ashleigha left. Thank you for your time. Sarah( . ) Read (2) Comment

New Public Journal [March 11, 2005 @ 12:04pm] Hey everyone...sorry for those of you that weren't added to my friends list. Its just cause I don't like you Anyway I have a new PUBLIC journal... that anyone can view. Hit me up at: unfused Cool Beans, BeFUSED For those of you who ARE my friend...I'll still be writing in this journal...for all the non-public things. Comment

FRIENDS ONLY! [June 22, 2004 @ 5:16am] Read (24) Comment

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